There’s a story in the Bible where the King of the Philistines, Abimelech, looked out his window and saw Isaac and Rebekah laughing together. I can only imagine what the couple was doing that convinced Abimelech that Isaac and Rebekah were lovers. There’s more to the story than that, but my point is, it was obvious to the King that Isaac and Rebekah were in love and happy.
It wasn’t mentioned in the Bible but I’d like to think that Isaac and Rebekah achieved this level of relationship because they went out on dates.
Before Aldwyn and I had kids, we went out on dates every week. We’d go out for ice cream, have coffee, eat out, or simply have a walk down at the quay. Some of these dates were planned but most of them were spontaneous.
After 16 years and two kids, it has become even more important to intentionally plan spending regular quality time on a one-on-one basis with each other. Even more so now because other responsibilities and demands have come into the picture.
To give an example, the first real date that I could remember after having kids was on my 30th birthday. Our son was already 5 years old, and our daughter was 2. It was during that date that I realized how much I missed him.
Sure, I woke up beside him every day, we ate together and lived in the same house, but we stopped really connecting with one another.
I didn’t realize how much our lives had changed when our kids came into the picture. And how much we needed to reconnect once again as husband and wife.
Through the years, we’ve learned the importance of date nights and how much it can improve our relationship as a married couple. I’d like to share with you just a few benefits of Date Nights!
1. Improved Communication
An often cause of misunderstanding is no communication or the lack thereof. Aldwyn and I have agreed that during our dates, we won’t talk about work or our bills. We don’t even talk about our children. (I think we talk about them enough on a daily basis).
We set aside this time to discuss our dreams and our hopes as individuals and as a married couple.
I’m surprised to learn that the more we talk about deeper feelings with each other, the easier it is to discuss everything else.
2. Increased Intimacy
It doesn’t take a genius to plan a romantic date. In fact, one of my favorite kinds of dates is when Aldwyn takes me to our roof deck just to look at the stars.
It might sound simple but these little gestures and alone time together adds up (it also helps if you hold hands).
I now know that just because a couple is married doesn’t mean that they are automatically intimate.
It’s a continuous decision to work at your marriage and slowly but surely become more and more intimate with each other.
3. Team Mates
If you’ve ever worked corporately anywhere, then you’re familiar with ‘team buildings’.
Date nights are like team buildings for you and your spouse.
It’s a special reminder that my husband and I are on the same team, and we have the same goals. Every date night is an opportunity to motivate, strengthen and understand each other.
4. Keep the Fire Burning
We have shared our love story to other people many times, but it’s a story I will never get tired of sharing. And my favorite person to share it with, is my husband. It’s a hot topic during our dates.
It gives us a chance to focus on each other and remember how thrilling and exciting it was when our relationship was unfolding.
We’ll usually start the conversation with the question: “What did you first think of when you saw me that day?” We’ll end up talking and laughing for hours.
5. Relationship Reset
For the past 22 months, going out on dates has been a struggle because of the pandemic and lockdowns.
But we’ve decided to turn this negative to a positive.
We had to be creative so that we could still bond.
One thing that Aldwyn enjoys doing is riding his Vespa, so, much of our alone time recently involves us riding together.
Seeing him happy and content gives me so much joy. But it wasn’t always like this. In the past I’d always want to do what made me happy, but in a committed relationship, you’re genuinely happy when your spouse is happy.
And it works both ways, Aldwyn comes plant shopping with me and has bought and carried home many of my leafy buys during these trips. He knows these dates make me feel special.
I am far from an expert when it comes to marriage and relationships, but I grow and learn more every day. (And learn more about myself and my husband on every date.)
My prayer as you read this, if you are married, is that you will be excited for your next date. I encourage you to share with each other how you felt the moment you fell in love with each other. I also pray just like Isaac and Rebekah, when people see the two of you, that your love and care for each other is true and evident.
